Flashback

So I have a myspace... that I haven't been on in about 3 weeks because I've pretty much switched over to facebook. But I got on tonight and read something I posted back in the middle of March and wanted to share that on here.

" 'I pray that your love be strong, that I won't care what goes down.'

There are a lot of things in life I don't understand.
It's interesting to me how we can pray for the ministry here,
and a month later it begins to blossom.
But then I can pray more faithfully than ever before, for the healing of a loved one.
I can read scripture to make sure that I'm not doing anything wrong when I pray.
I can pray how it says to, without any doubt.
But it would appear as if it's not being answered.

Or perhaps it's being answered, but with the answer I don't want.
Maybe I still have so much selfishness that I haven't realized yet,
and I still have to work on ridding myself of it.
I hate how God can see the whole picture, and I can't.
I want to be able to see the whole picture, and how in the end this all will make sense.

But then I realized if I was really giving EVERYTHING over to God, I would be ok.
I would know that it's all going to be ok.
Even if one of my worst fears comes true.

So I still have work to do. To give God literally every single thing.
Because if I don't,
and my world comes crashing down...
I won't know what to do.
I won't know how to pick up the pieces.

But if I do,
and my world comes crashing down...
God will pick up all the pieces of my shattered life.
And make me whole again.

So being here is drastically changing my views on my life, and my future, and what I value in life, and what I want for my future.
I'm even worried that I'll get back and I'll have friends that won't want to be my friends anymore.
I worry that what God wants me to do with my future, will be lonely, and maybe I'll never get married and have kids... even though that's what I've always wanted... maybe it's not God's plan for me.
But the Bible warns us of that. That we have to give up everything here, in order to gain anything with God.

So I have three months left, almost exactly, and I can't even imagine what more changes God has to do in my life. I'm a little nervous, I'm a little worried, and even scared in some ways. But I know God holds my hand through thick and thin, he's gonna help me through it all. "

I miss spending an hour in God's word everyday. It taught me some pretty amazing, life changing things. I need to get back to that.

Time to slow down for a minute

Three weeks ago I moved back to the States. That's crazy to me that time has passed by so quickly. And now I look at my past month and realize I haven't given myself any time to just really truly relax. I have 3 weeks left in Houston before I go back to school, and at first I was dreading being "stuck" here for so long until I could get back to where I live and work most of the year. But now I think it's a good thing. Because when I get back to MSU I'll have school and work and be busy again. I mean really, in the past month I have planned a trip to Scotland, gone for 5 days, got back to Dresden and had to pack up and say bye to the city I love and the friends I had made, got back to the States for 2 weeks and struggled with what I think was some pretty severe reverse culture shock, and then went to Pine Cove (the summer camp I worked at last summer) and volunteered for the week, getting very very little sleep, and then came back to Houston Saturday to wake up Sunday with what I think is probably the flu... or something like it.

As hard as I think it is going to be, I think I need to force myself not to make a billion plans at least for a week or so. Get my things in order. Make sure I'm caught up with life. And most importantly use that time to start chilling with God again. Because the past month I definitely haven't gotten to read the bible as much as I would want to be. And with potential big changes coming up I need to be reading and spending time with him. Otherwise I'll turn into a mess. Because when I am consistently reading the word and concentrating on it, I can see that I'm different and I can see that that wisdom I pray for so much comes out way more.
Anyways, I am alive and well (except for the being sick thing), and I do miss Germany a lot, but I am slowly getting use to the States again.