Five Months

I have been back in the States now for almost as long as I was in Dresden… that is quite a strange feeling to me. Five months that forever changed my life, that forever reshaped me, that forever made me a better person, are now five months that are five months farther behind me. Honestly, it feels like it was just yesterday that I got back from debriefing in Paris. Yet when I was living over there I felt like I had been gone for years. I still miss Dresden everyday, I miss what God was teaching me, and even though we didn’t see numbers of people come to Christ while I was over there, I miss seeing God move like I saw him move while I was over there.

A lot of things have changed, and then changed again since I have been back. To be quite honest the past five months have been really tough on me. A lot of things have happened that I do not understand and am still trying to figure it out and what God could have had in mind when he placed that person or that event in my life. And going through all of this everyday I still ache because I feel like I left part of me over in Germany that I yearn to have back.

Generally, I am a person that tends to get confused quite a lot. But these past five months I have been more confused about all sorts of things than I have been in my life. I’m not passionate about school so it’s been hard to be back in this environment, instead of living in a place God gave me a passion for years ago.

However I have been blessed since I have been back to spend some good time with family. And even though I get frustrated with classes more than the average person, and can’t wait for the day I forever put school behind me, I also am really fond of MSU…. well most parts of it. I have pondered transferring several times in the past several months, but I have a life here in Starkville that I am blessed with. So some days I just need to stop and breathe and realize that even though everything is going so crazy at times, God is here helping me through it.

I’ll leave you with one last thing, even though I doubt anyone reads this anymore, a friend told me this quote recently and it has just been really encouraging during the times when I forget. “Sometimes God calms the storms around us, but sometimes he allows the storms to rage and He calms his child.”