It’s been almost four months since I’ve written. That’s really hard for me to believe, where did the time go? This school year has just been so hectic with so many exciting, tough, and also perplexing things that have continued to happen. Ok, so maybe I overplayed the exciting part, not to say there hasn’t been anything exciting, but most of it has been tough, full of hurt, full of confusion, full of crying (literally) out to God hoping that he’ll continue to be my rock and get me through it all.
I haven’t written in so long that I really could probably write five straight pages about what mistakes I have noticed myself making. But how God has been teaching me through it, and how even though I fully believe Satan has been trying harder than ever to get me down, I have managed to fully know that God will get me through this all because he has a greater plan for me, that begins with reaching down and pulling me out of the deep hole I’ve been in for almost two straight months. So as I try and think about what to even share, as I’ve already written two paragraphs, oops, here are some lyrics I heard tonight that just really connect to my heart.
Give love to the ones who can't love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all
Hmm… well, like I said I have been dealing with quite a lot the past few months. I realized a couple of weeks ago that since just a short time after coming back to the States I feel like I have been having thing after thing go awry in my life. It dawned on me that coming back from Germany I made a pretty huge commitment to God and a pretty big declaration to those around me about what I now plan to do for the rest of my life. And well, of course Satan is really unhappy about all of that, so I came to realize that all these things that have just been going wrong the past several months are just him trying to get me down. The term spiritual warfare may ring a bell. I know he has been trying to get me to give up. He has brought issues back into my life that I haven’t dealt with since high school, that were a huge part of my daily struggles, but that God delivered me from senior year. However he has yet to realize I am a different person than I was in high school, and while I may struggle with many things, and I may still have really bad weeks, I’m a fighter, I won’t be giving up, and I am confident God is never gonna give up on me. I know that even though sometimes I may be blind to God moving in my life, I am confident that he really is. I am certain as these attacks keep coming at me, God is standing right beside me. Take that Satan. Haha
Anyways, so since I’ve been back at school this year, one of the bigger things I have been struggling with is just not feeling like I have a purpose here at State. After lots of prayer, it seems that an opportunity may be coming up the first Sunday in March for me to do something pretty exciting. Also, I just got an email about an hour ago about a possibility for this summer. Like wow, as I was reading it it’s like I could feel the breeze of the door opening. So I’ve just got to pray about these situations and hope that I can somehow find some wisdom in dealing with them.
Ughh, sorry for the long post. But I mean come on, it’s been four months! Oh and because I never really got to those lyrics, I’ll probably write about them the next time :)
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